Today being decisive is not on my agenda.
I couldn’t decide what to wear to go on my run. The sun was out, the trails would be hot and the ground hard so once I got over the running top and shorts dilemma I then had the shoe dilemma. All terrain trail shoe, but the ground was solid and impact would be hard on the knees as the soles of a trail shoe are hard. Or road trainer which had the right sole support but not enough sturdy ankle support for the undulating twists and turns.
27 minutes later I headed out the door wearing trails. My head is too busy sometimes and I wonder about how much energy I waste sitting in the place of ‘I’m just not sure.’
Well the answer thankfully is a lot less time than I used to. I used to live in two heads almost, when I was at work I could make a decision on the spot, trust my judgement and follow up with the action. If my decision went south I remained accountable learned and moved on.
In my personal life however this couldn’t have been further from my profile. I’d sway from one choice to the other, weighing up my options, not trusting I had enough information and edging on the side of asking someone else.
Being an introvert I like to weigh up information, I don’t generally charge in, I sit back and observe. No don’t get me wrong I don’t chillax with feet up and pop open a cold can whilst allowing the scene to unravel before me, but I like to know I have the right information to make a decision. Believe me and introvert can make a strong and focused decision in the moment just like an extrovert can but we process differently.
Being decisive in my personal life.
I began to realise that this passive behaviour of mine was irritating the hell out of me because I just felt I was handing all of my power to other people, that way I could avoid taking the blame even though I didn’t do blame I did ‘take responsibility’ but my fear of getting it wrong and getting ‘blamed’ for it ruled my personal life so I backed away.
- I made the decision to make better decisions (that in itself was awesome).
- I made the decision to respond not react.
- I stayed in the present and didn’t allow my brain to fly off in other directions.
- I started to listen to my logic not listen to the fear and anxiety chatter in my head.
- I stopped feeling rushed to come to a conclusion on something if there was no rush required.
- I enjoyed taking a breath and gathering more evidence so I could make a balanced judgement.
- I knew then I could ask for support if I needed it and I didn’t feel I was shifting my power away from me.
- I stopped getting so defensive if my decision was questioned.
- I began looking at the situation from different angles not just the one I was looking at it from.
I guess like any change, you start by deciding you want to change.